


song two: not in that way

by newblooms



Series: In The Lonely Hour [2]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Drinking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 15:23:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newblooms/pseuds/newblooms
Summary: I'd never ask you cause deep downI'm certain I know what you'd sayThe second work in a series of ten unrelated one shots, each based off a song from Sam Smith's album, In The Lonely Hour





	song two: not in that way

**Author's Note:**

> this is just something to get me past my writers block, i figured working on something i started a year ago was as good as thing as any to get the ball rolling again. its also not edited sorry

in the midst of the loud thumping music, the swarm of sweaty bodies surrounding him, and the buzz of the alcohol clouding his brain, choi youngjae realizes he’s in love with mark tuan. 

he can see mark across the room laughing at whatever jinyoung’s said. it’s too loud for youngjae to hear him, but somehow he can hear the high pitched laugh ringing in his ears like a song stuck in his head. he catches youngjae’s eyes still staring and waves happily, boyish smile still gracing his lips.

“oh my god.” yugyeom looks over at him at the sudden outburst. they’re sitting close, pressed against each other on the worn out sofa, yugyeom resting after going a little too hard dancing with bambam and youngjae never one for parties in the first place. he wonders if yugyeom and hear how hard his heart is beating against his chest. 

“you good?” yugyeom asks, knocking youngjae’s knee with his own. 

“i think i'm going to throw up.”

youngjae thinks back to the first time he meet mark as he lays on the cool tiles of the bathroom floor. in all honesty, it was a completely unmemorable first appearance, a friend of a friend introducing them at a gathering similar to the one they're at tonight. they hadn't even hit it off right away, an awkward tension hanging between them for months. 

he wonders when mark had become such a prominent part of his life. how mark managed to dig his way into youngjae’s heart, so that it pains him to think of a single day without mark. 

there's a knock on the door and youngjae looks up to see mark in the doorway. 

“yugyeom said you said you were going to vomit. are you okay?” _not really, im in love with you._

“yeah, yeah, i'll be fine,” youngjae says, sitting up on the floor. mark still looks concerned, soft eyes filled with worry. “really, i'll be fine. go enjoy the party.”

“actually, i was thinking of heading out,” mark says, pushing off where he had been leaning against the doorframe. “cmon, i'll give you a ride home.”

mark offers his hand to youngjae, pulling him off the floor. youngjae stumbles as he gets to his feet, falling against mark. mark laughs as youngjae's face heats up in embarrassment. he throws an arm around youngjae's shoulders, letting youngjae lean on him as he leads them out of the bathroom. 

it's an odd feeling sitting next to mark knowing he's in love with him. mark's humming along to whatever song is playing on the radio and youngjae wonders if he's always been this endearing.  
mark looks over and catches him staring. “what?” mark says, laughing lightly.

youngjae shakes his head, turning to the road. “nothing, nothing, just enjoying the view,” youngjae quips, making mark laughs harder. 

“choi youngjae, you are quite the flirt when you're drunk,” mark replies, a little breathless from laughing. youngjae smiles, turning back to him, toothy grin on full display as he parks the car in front of youngjae's dorm building. 

youngjae teeters on his feet as he gets out of the car, but mark’s right there, letting him lean on him. 

“you didn't have to walk me in, i'm not a baby,” youngjae huffs, but doesn't move away from him. 

“what kind of friend would i be if i let you go up on your own and choke on your own vomit and die,” mark jokes. 

youngjae pushes the door open and they see yugyeom passed out on the couch, long legs falling over the edge. “well don't you two make quite the pair,” mark quips, smirking as he looks between the two drunk roommates.

mark helps him into his room, dumping him onto the bed and taking his shoes off him. youngjae watches him leave the room, eyes heavy. he can hear mark moving around the dorm, opening cabinets and turning on the sink. 

“hey,” mark starts softly, running his hand through youngjae’s hair. “i left some water and aspirin on your desk, take it when you get up and tell yugyeom to take the ones i left for him too.” 

youngjae hums, exhausted and overwhelmingly sad. he wishes mark wasn't so nice to him. if he was an asshole it would make the whole process of being secretly in love with him a little easier. but mark wasn't an asshole, he was inexplicable kind and patient and youngjae was in love with him. 

“mark hyung?” youngjae mutters. he can feel the three words on the tip of his tongue, mind foggy with alcohol and exhaustion. he tried to keep himself from saying it, to just keep his mouth shut, but things don't ever seem to go the way youngjae plans, his mouth opening despite the voice in his head screaming at him to just shut up. “i love you.” 

he regrets it as soon as he says it, stomach churning uncomfortably. but mark only laughs, pulling youngjae’s blankets over his shoulders. “yeah, yeah, i love you, too,” mark says offhandedly, flicking off the lights and leaving youngjae alone.

///

youngjae caves and tells yugyeom. it's not his smartest move and youngjae realizes his mistake every time yugyeom looks at him with pity in his eyes. he’s giving youngjae one of those looks right now as the two of them see mark giggle at whatever jinyoung is whispering in his ear.

“hyung, why don’t you just tell him,” yugyeom asks softly. youngjae knows he’s just trying to help, to make his friends happy, but yugyeom’s always been a bit naive. 

“because, yugyeom, i know what he’ll say,” youngjae sighs. “he’ll say that he loves me too, but not in that way.” 

“you don’t know that!” yugyeom exclaims, loud enough for everyone to look back at them. youngjae laughs nervously, embarrassed, hitting yugyeom on the arm. “keep it down would you?”

“sorry,” yugyeom whispers. “i just think you’re underestimating mark hyung. he loves you a lot.”

“i know he does,” youngjae replies with a sad smile. “but loving someone and being in love with someone is very different. i love you and you love mark and mark loves me, but i am _in_ love with mark.”

yugyeom doesn't say anything else about it but youngjae can see how sad it makes him for youngjae to have to feel this way. he pats yugyeom on the arm, giving him a thankful smile, it's the least he can do. 

youngjae lives with it, the pain becoming a part of him as time passes. he had expected it to get at least a little easier, but it only becomes harder to bare. every little detail that youngjae ever found attractive in mark is amplified behind his rose colored love vision, unable to find one thing about mark that he isn’t in completely enamored with. 

mark starts dating jinyoung and things get inexplicable worse. youngjae’s never been a particularly jealous person and he has no right to be now, but that doesn’t stop the envy that rises through him when he sees them cuddled up together, lost in their own world. mark doesn’t seem to notice a shift in youngjae’s feelings, but still stuck in the honeymoon phase of his relationship, it’s hard to get him to notice anything that isn’t attached to jinyoung. 

youngjae tries to move on, he really does. If not for himself, than at least for yugyeom, the younger boy seeming to get sadder and sadder every time youngjae comes home from a bad date. he tries to distance himself from mark, but every day away leads to longing which leads to the pain of having to see mark draped over jinyoung in a terrible cycle. he hates how dependent he’s become on mark’s presence in his live, that he can’t go a day without wanting him there. it’s hard and crushing, but youngjae learns to live with the fact the mark will never love him back. 

days pass into weeks that turn into months and before youngjae knows it he’s standing in the same place he was almost a year ago, struck with the realization that he was in love with his one of his best friends. yugyeom is still beside him and he can still see mark across the hall. he watches mark watch as jinyoung crosses the hall to stand close to jaebum, before turning back to the girl that is so obviously trying to get him to flirt back. 

“they broke up, you know,” yugyeom says quietly, looking between mark and jinyoung. 

“yeah, i know,” youngjae replies because of course he knew, he was the first to know. mark had called him after their fight, crying in the middle of the night. youngjae had listened diligently, heart aching with every passing minute. if there was one thing worse than seeing mark with jinyoung, it was seeing mark hurt because of jinyoung. “I need another drink.”

youngjae downs the rest of his solo cup in one deep gulp, venturing into the overcrowded kitchen and pouring himself the first thing he sees. 

“can you make two of those?” youngjae hears from behind him and he doesn’t need to turn around to know it’s mark. youngjae takes a deep breath, plastering a smile on and turning around coming face to face with mark. his recently dyed hair looks softer up close, making him seem younger than he is. his cheeks are rosy, flushed from the alcohol youngjae’s seen him downing the entire night. “please?”

youngjae takes the cup from mark’s outstretched hand and fills it for him. mark thanks him, leaning against the countertop. “are you having a good time?”

“you seem to be,” youngjae quips. 

“don’t drink shame me, i’ve had to take your drunk ass home plenty of times before and with no complaints.”

“it was one time!” youngjae exclaims, hitting mark lightly on the arm. mark teeters on his feet, grabbing the counter for support. “real steady there, I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

mark goes silent for a pause, looking behind youngjae. youngjae turns to see jinyoung pressed against jaebum down the hall. “it’s barely been a week and he’s already moved on,” mark scoffs, downing the rest of his drink in one sip. 

“okay, let’s get you out of here,” youngjae says as mark hiccups, eyes going hazy. youngjae puts his own drink down and walking mark out into the street. “did you drive?”

“um, no, jackson drove us,” mark replies, leaning against youngjae. 

“alright, we can walk to your dorm, it’s close enough. the fresh air will be good for you.”

mark hums as they walk, clinging onto youngjae’s arm. it’s not the best of situations, but youngjae can’t ignore how much he likes the press of mark’s side next to his own. mark switches songs and youngjae hates how endearing he looks even when he’s flushed from alcohol and the cold air, blowing his too long bangs out of his eyes. 

it takes longer than it should to get to mark’s dorm, but mark sobers up considerably by the time they reach his door, able to get his own shoes off and flop down onto the couch. he pats the space next to him for youngjae to join him. 

“i should really go, yugyeom will worry.”

mark pouts and youngjae caves, no willpower when it comes to mark. he shuts the door and sits himself next to mark, the elder keeping his eyes fixed on youngjae’s every movement. “youngjae?” mark says once youngjae is settled. youngjae hums in response, looking over at mark. “can i kiss you?”

youngjae sits up so fast he feels dizzy. “what?”

“i asked if i could kiss you,” mark says simply like he asked youngjae his favorite color. 

“why?”

 

“because i want to.”

mark doesn’t really give him time to respond, leaning over and pressing his lips against youngjae’s. youngjae stills, unsure if this is reality or not. he can feel his heart pounding against his chest, blood rushing to his cheeks. mark moves his lips slightly and it kick starts something in youngjae’s brain reminding him that this is real, mark is kissing him and he’s waiting for youngjae to kiss him back. 

“wait, wait,” youngjae gasps, pulling back. 

“youngjae, stop thinking so much,” mark groans, kissing him again. so he does. he clears his head of everything except mark’s mouth on his, marks hands in his hair, mark’s body pressed against his. mark didn’t hesitate to pull youngjae closer, crashing their chests together in a mess of limbs, youngjae suddenly half way on top of the older boy. mark’s thigh pushes between youngjae’s own, making youngjae swallow thickly, pulling away from mark’s mouth to take a deep breath. he holds back a moan as mark attacks his mouth to the hollow of his neck, pressing his thigh against youngjae’s cock harder. Youngjae shivers, breathing shallowly and moving his hand from marks chest to the back of his neck to pull him off. “bed, please, _please._ ”

mark nods rapidly, waiting for youngjae to stumble off of him before grabbing his hand and leading him into his bedroom. mark doesn't waste time, pushing youngjae onto the bed, fingertips stumbling over his belt. youngjae works on getting his t shirt over his head and in a blink of an eye mark is hovering over him once again, mouthing at the junction of his shoulder and neck. it's exciting and nerve racking to be this exposed in front of someone he's loved for so long. mark flips him over, pulling his hips back so his face falls into the pillow. he shoves youngjaes underwear down and youngjae can hear the click of a bottle before he feels the cool liquid on mark's finger pressing into him. he makes quick work of opening youngjae up, slipping two then three fingers in before they're gone completely, barely giving youngjae time to breath. 

youngjae feels a certain level of detachment to mark with the position he's in, unable to see the other boy, only able to feel as his presses his cock into youngjae. it feels impersonal and he feels withdrawn from mark in a way he's never experienced before. he can't help but wonder if mark wanted it that way - dispassionate and detached, closed off from each other in their most vulnerable states. 

mark wraps a hand around youngjaes cock as his thrusts get less and less refined. mark comes not long after that with jinyoungs name spilling from his lips. 

youngjae takes one last look at mark, fast asleep, sheets pooling around his waist as he slips his clothing back on. he wonders if he should feel happier about sleeping with mark, but no matter how much he tries, he can’t find it in himself to feel anything but regret. he wonders if mark knows about how youngjae feels about him, if he played into them for a quick release of his own pain. he doesn’t think about it too long, the used feeling making him queasy. he leaves the apartment at an all time low, his stomach churning and his eyes burning with withheld tears.

it’s nearing morning by the time youngjae finally gets home. yugyeom’s passed out in the couch and youngjae laughs sadly and how he can always count on yugyeom to stay the same. he pulls a blanket over the boys lanky legs, careful not to wake him, scared that yugyeom will see the shame he feels like he's wearing like a second skin. 

he feels disgusting even after scrubbing for a hour in the shower, scalding water leaving his skin raw and red. he can still feel mark's touch on him and what makes him feel worse is that, in the bottom of his heart, he doesn't want them to leave. he let his feelings for mark cloud his better judgement and now he was stuck in the aftermath of his poor choices. he knows that this doesn't change a single thing. no matter how much of himself he gives to mark, he was never going to love him back. 

it takes mark three days to realize youngjae is avoiding him. he's avoiding everyone really, except for yugyeom. his roommate had crawled into youngjae's bed the following morning, letting youngjae cry on his shoulder. he didn't press youngjae for details and didn't pass any judgement when youngjae had explained to him everything that happened. they hole up in their dorm together, watching youngjae's favorite movies, skipping class and disregarding mark's calls. 

but they both know it can’t go on forever and on the fourth day, mark comes knocking on their door. youngjae begs yugyeom not to answer, just let him mope for at least one more day, but yugyeom’s always had a soft heart and lets mark in. 

“hi,” youngjae says as mark makes him way into their dorm. 

“where have you been, we’ve been worried. no one has heard from you in days. I even called jaebum and you should know how much i didn’t want to do that.” youngjae does know and he feels bad that he made his friends worry, but even just seeing mark now is hard for him. “why have you been ignoring me?”youngjae doesn’t say anything shifting from foot to foot. “It’s about what happened the other night isn’t it?”

yugyeom clears his throat from where he’s been standing awkwardly next to them. “um, i’ll leave you two alone. Youngjae, i’ll go get us some dinner, we’re out of food,” he says, stepping out from between them before heading out the door. 

“so it is about the other night,” mark says after a beat of silence. “you don’t have to worry, i know it was a mistake.” youngjae knows this too, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. but not nearly as much as what mark says next. “I don’t want anything more from you. we can still be friends.” 

it shouldn’t surprise him, it’s what youngjae knew he would say, but it still makes youngjae take a deep breath to keep from tearing up. mark notices, though, the small sheen of tears welling up, his eyes going wide in panic. “ what’s the matter? what did i say? youngjae, please say something.” 

youngjae takes a moment to breathe, clamping his eyes shut to clear them. “I dont,” youngjae says finally. 

“you don’t what?”

“I don’t want to be just friends. I want something more from you.” it goes silent between them, tension rising between them like a dividing wall. youngjae can see mark's face shift from surprise to realization to pity. 

“oh,” mark finally says, breaking the pregnant silence. “oh, youngjae. i’m so sorry. I didn’t- i didn’t know...I wouldn’t have, i would never have _done_ anything if i had known I w-”

“mark, i know. i love you but i know you don’t love me.” 

“youngjae, im so sorry. believe me, i do love you, it’s just, it’s not-”

“it’s not in that way.”

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me what you liked/disliked comments and criticism is always great. for the like two people waiting for my other fics, theyre coming i swear. u can find me @poutychoi on both tumblr and twt!!


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